The Lamest of Death Row Excuses

(Please be advised that this article deals with adult themes including graphic violence.)

Until now, I thought I had heard every excuse in the book…

Michael Tanzi, 48, is scheduled to be executed on April 8th at the Florida State Prison in Starke. (As a side note, I have ministered there, played basketball there, eaten lunch there, and toured death row there.)

His death warrant was signed by Gov. Ron DeSantis on March 10th, but whether or not Tanzi will actually be executed on his appointed date is still unknown because of a last-minute appeal filed by his attorneys. Before considering the merits – or lack thereof – of his appeal, let’s first look at the crime for which he was sentenced to death.

On April 25, 2000, Janet Acosta was sitting in her maroon van in the parking lot at the Japanese Gardens in Miami reading a book during her lunch hour when Tanzi approached and asked for a cigarette and the time. While she was distracted, Tanzi punched Acosta in the face through the open window until he gained entry and then threatened her with a razor blade. He then proceeded to hold her by the wrist until they reached a gas station in Homestead, where he bound and gagged her and stole money from her purse to buy cigarettes and a soda. While in Homestead, Tanzi also forced Acosta to perform oral sex on him.

Tanzi then drove the van with Acosta bound in the back to the Florida Keys, where he used her bank card to access cash at an ATM machine, which he then used to purchase duct tape and razor blades at a hardware store. Driving to an isolated area in Cudjoe Key, Tanzi cross-laced a piece of rope and strangled Acosta to death, covering her mouth, nose, and eyes to muffle any sounds. Tanzi then discarded her body in the woods and headed to Key West where he shopped, ate, smoked marijuana, visited with friends, and used Acosta’s bank card to access more money, planning to rent a hotel room and buy drugs.

On April 27th, police located Acosta’s van which had been reported missing by her coworkers and apprehended Tanzi, who had receipts in his pocket showing his ATM withdrawals and purchases. Tanzi stated that he “knew what this was about” and spontaneously added that he wanted to talk about “some bad things he had done”.

After waiving his rights and while in a police car en route to the Key West Police Department, Tanzi confessed that he had assaulted, abducted, robbed, sexually battered, and killed Janet Acosta. Tanzi repeated his confession with greater detail several times on audio and video tape. Tanzi also showed the police where he had disposed of Acosta's body and where he had discarded the duct tape and rope.

Incredulously – and despite his repeated confessions – Tanzi initially pleaded not guilty. However, shortly before his trial was set to begin, Tanzi entered a guilty plea to first-degree murder, carjacking, kidnapping, and armed robbery.

Here is where it gets a bit more complicated, a bit more desperate, and a lot more disgusting… as if that were possible.

In 2012, this confessed murderer appealed his conviction as well as his death sentence on the following grounds. First, because he was supposedly abused as a child by a cancer-stricken father. Second, because he was born with an extra Y chromosome. And third, because he has a history of mental illness.

Thankfully, the court ruled that not every child who was abused or born with an extra Y chromosome has gone on to commit first-degree murder, and that being treated for a mental illness is no excuse for kidnapping, sexually assaulting, and murdering someone. So back on death row you go, Mikey Boy.

Fast forward to 2025 and apparently, Tanzi has been gorging himself on prison food at taxpayers’ expense because his latest appeal is based on the premise that the lethal injection may not work because since his incarceration, he has become morbidly obese.

No, seriously, a licensed attorney actually filed that appeal with a straight face.

Tanzi's lawyers said in court documents filed last week that their client is morbidly obese and suffers from sciatica, a condition that causes pain along the back's sciatic nerve. They argued that Florida's lethal injection procedure may not work due to Tanzi's weight, stressing that a sedation drug might not fully take effect and could leave him "paralyzed but aware" during the process. His lawyers claimed that executing him would violate the Eighth Amendment, which protects against forms of cruel and unusual punishment.

"The existing procedures utilize a one-size-fits-none approach that does not allow for modification of dosage," his lawyers said in the appeal. "There is a significant risk that Mr. Tanzi will be paralyzed but aware when the sodium acetate is injected, creating the sensation of being burned from the inside."

Tanzi will "likely suffer pulmonary edema, creating a sensation of suffocation and drowning," his lawyers noted, adding that his obesity, acid reflux and sleep apnea "create a substantial risk that, if sedated while on his back, he will suffer from reflux and aspiration of vomit."

OK, here is where I draw the line.

For 35 years, I ministered to hundreds of thousands of men, women, and teens in more than 400 different correctional institutions throughout North America and Africa. Yes, I have been to Sing Sing numerous times and yes, I have met and ministered to David Berkowitz, the notorious Son of Sam.

During those three-and-a-half decades of prison ministry, I preached that God can and will forgive anyone who repents of their sins and places their faith and trust in Jesus Christ. Like the Apostle Paul, I consider myself to be the “chief of sinners”, and so I tried my best to see each and every inmate through the loving and compassionate eyes of Jesus. However, there are still earthly consequences for their earthly crimes, I would tell them.

In other words, if you commit premeditated murder, you have forfeited your own life and deserve to die.

And so, in the case of Michael Tanzi, whether he feels a sense of suffocation, drowning, burning, or paralysis while the lethal injection is being administered is of very little consequence. Those few minutes of pain and discomfort pale in comparison to the nightmare endured by Janet Acosta on that drive from Miami to Homestead… or on that deserted road on Cudjoe Key.

As for his morbid obesity, maybe Michael should have demonstrated some self-discipline in the prison chow line.

(Editor’s note: I read a related story this week about an inmate in South Carolina who was executed by firing squad last month. Brad Sigmon, 67, who was sentenced to death for killing his ex-girlfriend’s parents with a baseball bat in a kidnapping gone wrong, had chosen the firing squad over electrocution or lethal injection. Whereas he used his final words to advocate for the end of the death penalty, at least Sigmon didn’t come up with some lame excuse about his weight to prevent justice from being carried out.)