Some Last-Minute Stocking Stuffers for the Washington Swamp

With Congress registering a dismal 19% approval rating (and a 74% disapproval rating), there is a good chance that many senators and representatives will get an empty stocking this Christmas. Normally, I would have said that they will receive some coal, but since the Progressives think all fossil fuels – and coal in particular – are radioactive, I figured I would spare them the anxiety.

Speaking of low approval ratings and empty stockings, Gallup has President Joe Biden at just 37% approval and 55% disapproval. To put those historically low approval ratings into proper perspective, Gallup had President Biden at 57% approval and 37% disapproval in January 2021. That stunning reversal means that since the day he took office, Geritol Joe’s numbers have plummeted month after month and year after year. In fact, the last time Lunchbucket Joe was above water was in July 2021. Since then, he has taken on more water than the HMS Titanic.

(By the way, the only president in the post World War II era to leave the White House with a lower approval rating was Jimmy Carter at just 31%. Even Donald Trump, at 43% in November 2020, ranked higher.)

And so, we’ll include President Biden and his sidekick, Vice President Kamala Harris on our Christmas gift list this year, too. After all, there is no guarantee that Jill will buy Joe anything since his total incompetence means she has to move out of her fancy digs at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue… and she is none too happy about that. As for Ms. Harris’s present, I am not sure where to send it because she has only been seen in public twice since November 5th (and twice on video).

Then there is the mainstream media. In 1976, more than 70% of Americans said that they trusted the media and had confidence that they were reporting the news accurately and fairly. Here are today’s numbers: No trust at all – 36%; Not very much trust – 33%; and a Great deal or fair amount of trust – 31%. In case you’re wondering, that reflects an all-time low in public confidence.

So, in the spirit of the season, I will add the anchors at ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN to my gift list… and if my budget allows, I will include MSNBC too since no one watches them anymore. And yes, because I have a soft spot for soon-to-be-unemployed journalists, I’ll ask Santa to swing by the New York Times and the Washington Post on his way back to the North Pole.

Without further ado, here is what I intend to give to the aforementioned people…

Nancy Pelosi – a geriatric gift pack that includes a cane, an artificial hip, hair dye, and a membership in the Facelift of the Month Club.

Mitch McConnell – the male version of Nancy Pelosi’s geriatric gift pack.

Joe Biden – a tractor trailer loaded with Prevagen and a lifetime supply of lobster bibs – even though he doesn’t like lobster – because I’m sure the bibs will come in handy. Oh, and lots of sunscreen and chocolate chip ice cream for those lazy, hazy, crazy days at Rehoboth Beach.

Jill Biden – a presidential pardon, because she is guilty of elder abuse.

Kamala Harris – what do you give a lady who has everything – and nothing – at the same time? How about a genuine personality and a large dose of what Bill Clinton used to call gravitas? I’ll even make a contribution to help her retire her $20 million campaign debt. After all, how can anyone be expected to run a successful 3-month campaign on a mere $1.5 billion budget?

Karine Jean-Pierre – a super-sized bottle of industrial-strength truth serum.

Chuck Schumer – Hair plugs… the more the merrier. Of course, now that Joe Biden will be withdrawing from the public eye, maybe he has a few to spare.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez – 50 points towards her IQ so she is finally in triple digits.

David Muir (ABC), Norah O’Donnell (CBS), and Lester Holt (NBC) – a signed copy of Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” because their viewership numbers have fallen off a cliff… and deservedly so.

Jim Acosta, Dana Bash, and the rest of the crew at CNN and MSNBC – an unsigned copy of Dale Carnegie’s book.

The reporters and columnists at the New York Times and the Washington Post – a free remedial course in Journalism 101 at their local community college. Apparently, they didn’t pay attention the first time they took it.

Finally, all the Hollywood elitists who threatened to leave the country if Donald Trump was elected president – a one-way ticket to your destination of choice. I’ll even help you pack your bags and drive you to the airport.

Merry Christmas, everyone!