Practical Pointers for Parents

Like everyone else this side of Jesus, I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. And unlike Frank Sinatra (“Regrets, I have a few, but then again too few to mention”), I have too many to mention. However, they are in the past, so I can’t do anything about them and besides, they are also “under the blood” as we say in Christian vernacular.

That being said, there is one aspect of life in which I think I have excelled – if judging by the results is an accurate barometer – and that is parenting. Truth be told, most of the credit goes to God and my beautiful bride of almost 39 years, but the results are indisputable. Somehow, someway, all three of our children have turned out to be well-adjusted adults who have happy marriages and successful careers. Most importantly, they all know Jesus as their Savior, attend church regularly, and seek to serve Him daily.

And so, regardless of my other faults and failures (and the lack of any type of counseling degree), please allow me to share a few parenting tips for those who might be struggling in that area.

First and foremost, realize that your children are a gift from God and are merely “on loan” to you. Like the treasures, talents, and time that He grants you, God expects a ROI (return on investment) when it comes to your kids. So, make sure you recognize that your children are eternal beings with an eternal soul who will be spending eternity in one of two places… and do everything in your power to ensure that their final destination is heaven.

That means taking them to church the first Sunday after they are born, enrolling them in Sunday School, reading the Bible with them, and praying with them before meals and at bedtime. Also, don’t forget that children learn more by watching what we do than by hearing what we say, so don’t just “talk the talk” but “walk the walk.” Not perfectly, mind you, but as consistently and as transparently as possible. In other words, let them see Jesus in you.

Second, be careful about whom you let into their inner circle. Show me your five closest friends and I can tell a lot about who you are as a person. The same goes for kids. As much as we want to shelter and shape them ourselves, the truth of the matter is that their teachers and their friends will have just as much influence as we will as their parents… sometimes more.

Speaking of teachers, public schools are a lot different today than when I attended them in the 1960s and 1970s. If you choose to enroll your children in the public school system, make sure they are well-grounded and are developing a biblical worldview before they enter kindergarten. Christian kids can be a true lighthouse in their school… or they can be swallowed up by liberalism, humanism, and progressivism. How you prepare them at home for what they will face in the classroom, lunchroom, and locker room will make all the difference in the world.

All three of our kids attended public school: through 7th grade for Chris, through 9th grade for Matt, and through 12th grade for Bethany. After that, they all transitioned to Christian schools: Chris to Baptist High School, Matt to Baptist High followed by Liberty University, and Bethany to Liberty for both her bachelor’s and master’s degrees. That hybrid worked well for them, but I think if I was sending my kids off to school today, it would be Christian school (or homeschool) all the way.

Third, set parameters for their behavior. Most children will tell your otherwise, but they actually thrive when there is a loving structure in place with reasonable boundaries to protect them. Parents are in charge, so establish guidelines for watching TV (both time and content), playing on their phones or computers, or talking/texting with their friends. Also, make sure you force them to put down the remote and go outside. Unstructured play time is where they exercise their minds and bodies, develop their creativity and leadership skills, and sharpen their physical and cognitive abilities.

Team sports are fine, but don’t think you are doing your kids a disservice if you don’t sign them up for everything. Children need “down time” and not every sport has to be played formally and competitively. I grew up playing kickball in the street, wiffleball in the backyard, and baseball at the sandlot… all without coaches, uniforms, or official standings.

Above all, remember that they will be adults for a very long time, so don’t force your children to grow up too fast. Instead, let your kids enjoy the magic and innocence of childhood for as long as possible.

When they hit those testy teen years, relax some restrictions and give them more responsibility, but do not cede authority. For instance, in our house we had two rules for dating: you had to wait until you were 16 and the person you dated had to be a fellow believer. Race, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status were all irrelevant. That took all the pressure off those preteen years, and also gave our kids some helpful guidelines as they went about choosing a future mate. As a result, all three married Christians and our three in-law children are either Puerto Rican or Nigerian.

One last point: encourage your kids to dream BIG dreams and to take calculated risks when they are young. The sky should be the limit for their dreams and aspirations. All too soon, they will be saddled down with the responsibilities of adulthood such as jobs, mortgages, car payments, and leaky faucets… so encourage them to spread their wings and fly while they have the strength and stamina of youth. Be their cheerleaders when they succeed and their comforters when they fall; and remind them that no one is a failure as long as they keep trying. Finally, assure them that your love is unconditional and forever, just like God’s.

Hope that helps. Tomorrow, I will be sharing some "Timely Tips for Grandparents", so stay tuned!