Frankenstein for President

If you were a teenage boy in 1974, my best guess is that you were (and are) a Young Frankenstein fan. Co-written by Mel Brooks and Gene Wilder and starring Wilder as the notorious Dr. Viktor Frankenstein (pronounced with a soft A), Young Frankenstein was rip-roaringly funny in an over-the-top, almost slapstick kind of way. Peter Boyle was perfectly cast as the monster as was Marty Feldman as Frankenstein’s hunchbacked assistant Igor (pronounced Eye-gor, not EE-gor). Add pitch-perfect performances by Madeline Kahn, Cloris Leachman, and Terri Garr and you had an instant cult classic.

Reflecting on Young Frankenstein and how the monster was created from an amalgamation of spare parts – including the brain from “Abby Normal” – got me thinking about who or what would be the perfect president if we could take the best attributes of America’s 45 Chief Executives (for our purposes, Grover Cleveland only counts once) and mold them into a single Commander-in-Chief.

And so, without further ado, here is my personal presidential “monster,” if you will…

I think I would start with George Washington’s resolve. Most leaders would have thrown in the towel amid the snow and freezing temperatures of Valley Forge, but somehow the Father of our Country emerged from those wintry conditions with an even deeper commitment to the cause of liberty.

Next, I would add the intellect and imagination of Thomas Jefferson. As John F. Kennedy famously remarked at a 1962 dinner for Nobel Prize winner from across the Western Hemisphere, “I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.”

Speaking of JFK, I don’t think you could find another president with more personal charisma and charm than our 35th President. Be sure to capture his thick Boston accent while you’re at it.

“Honest Abe” Lincoln makes our list for his integrity and political pragmaticism. Few other presidents would have considered suspending Habeas Corpus to preserve the Union.

I would also want Teddy Roosevelt’s boundless enthusiasm and exuberance. From what I can see, the man simply had no “off switch.”

Steadiness and unflappability under pressure is an important presidential trait and no one exhibited those characteristics more than “Cool Cal” Coolidge, so add him to the list. Dwight Eisenhower also demonstrated coolness under fire (literally), so let’s include Ike in the mix, too.

Franklin Roosevelt was an eternal optimist, which came in handy as he shouldered the dual burdens of the Great Depression and World War II. I am sure he had his share of dark moments, but FDR rarely if ever showed them publicly.

Modesty and humility? I’ll take Harry S. Truman, thank you very much. And for pure likeability, how can you go wrong with Ronald Wilson Reagan, who also had the best sense of humor. His wink, wry smile, and slightly titled head disarmed friend and foe alike. Just ask Tip O’Neill… and Mikhail Gorbachev. While we’re at it, let’s preserve the Gipper’s ability to connect with the American people. They didn’t call him the Great Communicator for nothing!

Sadly, and very tellingly, I am choosing not to add a single president from the past 35 years. On second thought, maybe we could use Donald Trump’s negotiating skills. Other than that, the years 1989-2023 have been a presidential wasteland as far as I’m concerned.

Let’s hope that 2024 offers us some new – and valuable – body parts for our ever-evolving Potomac Prototype.