Build Back Better Biden

You have to give Joe Biden credit for having the absolute gall to say (with a straight face) that he – not the world-renowned real estate developer – is America’s best bet to “build back better” after the pandemic. Sure, the economy is once again firing on all cylinders under President Trump, but never mind that. And yes, the stock market, which was setting record highs virtually every day before the lockdowns, is soaring to new heights once again with “the Donald” at the helm, but so what?

Just take Joe’s word for it, America, because after all, he has a record of building things. Such as…

...36 years of bureaucracy as a six-term senator

...8 years of incompetence as vice president during the slowest economic recovery since the Great Depression

...2 years of legal paperwork as an attorney before he entered politics

With that kind of construction background, why wouldn’t we want to trust Biden with the world’s largest economy? After all, “Middle Class Joe” has finally learned the insides of the building trade, erecting a $9 million personal fortune since leaving the White House in 2017. And he did it the hard way, not brick by brick but $200,000 speech after $200,000 speech (plus expenses).

Yes sir, the former “Joe Lunch Bucket” sure knows how to follow a blueprint to riches, cashing in on his government service to the tune of a $15 million multi-book deal with Flatiron publishers. That allowed “Joe from Scranton” to purchase two homes in Delaware while simultaneously renting a mansion in Virginia for $20,000 per month.

Meanwhile, President Trump has actually lost money while in office, donating his $400,000 annual salary to charities and watching as his hotel properties were boycotted by liberals and politically correct (and cowardly) corporations. What a chump!

Sure, Harry Truman may have said that, “You can’t get rich in politics unless you’re a crook”, but what did he know? He used to sell hats before he was president. Those old working-class Democrats who actually cared about the little guy have long since been replaced by Joe and his dear friend Barry.

Good ol’ Barry. He somehow managed to wrangle a $50 million megadeal from Netflix to produce undisclosed “content” and, at the same time, to land a $65 million advance from Penguin Random House for his and her memoirs. That allowed Barry to buy his $12 million spread on Martha’s Vineyard with petty cash. Seven bedrooms and nine bathrooms on 29-acres of prime Edgartown real estate? Nicely done, Barry! Now you won’t have to slum it at your Chicago mansion or your Washington D.C. hideaway. The latter has just 8,000 square feet, so no wonder Barry only had to shell out $8 million for it. But at least he can still party with his next-door neighbor, Jeff Bezos.

Back to Biden and his unparalleled construction credentials. All you need to know about “Joe the Builder’s” bona fides is to take a look at his cutting-edge pandemic plan. Biden wants to do more testing and more contact tracing while manufacturing more ventilators and PPEs… all in the U.S.A. If only President Trump and his White House task force had thought of such revolutionary ideas instead of promoting the use of leeches and bloodletting. Oh, and yes, Joe also wants us to social distance. Duh!

Lest you forget, Biden also intends to enact a nationwide mask mandate until the year 2075 (better safe than sorry), even though he has repeatedly admitted that the president doesn’t have the constitutional authority to do so. Being unconstitutional (see the Dream Act, ACA, et al) never stopped Barry, so why should it stop Joe?

Yes sir, a vote for Joe is really a vote for Barry’s third term – or Kamala’s first – because everyone knows that Biden has as much chance of remaining in office through January 2025 as he does of winning the Miss America Pageant. But then again, in this day and age, Joe can always identify as a 22-year old single woman from Dover and declare himself/herself Miss Delaware. Then he could sniff his own hair.

Joe’s biggest concern – aside from building back better, whatever that means – is how to catch-up to Barry in the personal assets department. The former community organizer is now worth between $40 and $135 million… not bad when you figure he entered office with a net worth of just $1.3 million. Remind me again; what did Harry Truman say about politicians who get rich?

But then again, ol’ Harry S. had a full head of hair. Poor Joe has to “pay per plug” just so he doesn’t look like a cue ball with age spots. Thankfully, he and Chuckie Schumer managed to get a group discount. Not only that, but the cost of Prevagen has gone through the roof!

So, for pity sake, don’t get weighed down by the facts staring you straight in the face. You know, the ones that say that Biden hasn’t held a job in the private sector in almost a half-century. If anyone knows how to build back better, it’s Crazy Uncle Joe. After all, who do you think helped Ramses II lay the cornerstone to the Great Pyramid of Giza? Or maybe it was Khufu or Hemon… Joe says that all those pharaohs looked alike to him back then. But he’s sure it wasn’t “that senator who was a Mormon, the governor.”

In any case, just make sure you have the record player on at night…